if only I could

 Last night my Partner asked me what was my dream job and I said " I don't know?" because I don't know.That Question is because if only I could I would have been already so i dont comply to that question i am on the outskirts of life. I believe in ted talks some believe in religon to get them through when things get tough, I turn to meditation,exercise and ted talks also my routine. 

If only I could is what i precieve when people say if only I could ..... I have heard this question my whole life from everyone in my inner and outer circle if only you could remember things if only you could do the washing if only you could remember to take a shower and look after yourself if only you could be independent if only you could be 'Normal'? I have learnt in life that people's preception of me is a reflection of them and a if only I could is the idea that i am less than because i have arrived at a place where people my age probably have already started at 18 and i am 31 and starting now. 

If I am less than what do you have more off that i dont have? I am me I am where i am supposed to be yes I have Level 2 ASD and Inattentive/hyperactive ADHD does this make me less than most people to you? for me it is where I am supposed to be at this exact moment in my life and yes this is not a mope this is not a whinge this is a I have just as much value as the next person and because i have level 2 ASD and ADHD it changes nothing that I can't bring to the table just like any other person who doesnt have this type of thinking that I have. 

If you precieve me as an incompetent person than that is a reflection of you, but may i remind you all is that what you think and feel about me is none of my business and when you point the finger there are more pointing back to you. 


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