Wearing a mask - rememeber to be kind

 Masking is my "normal",  I wear a mask for everything that i deal with in silence, as soon as i open my eyes in the morning my mask is on, I take my mask off only when i am alone or when i go to sleep. I do muay thai to numb my brain, get my energy out to keep my brain quiet. on the outside you see someone who looks physically healthy, what you can't see is my inside where my brain lives. the constant juggle of wondering if my immune system is going to fight with my kidneys, if there will be a new sign something is not right with my body. 

When I was a baby I was taken to the hospital, I spent 10 days in hospital and out of those 10 days 8 days were spent in ICU. its probably why my voice is raspy and quiet. since I have been young I have always learnt to be super aware of my reading my body listening and looking for clues. I have grown up with a HIGH threshold, we go to the doctors only if we are dying. Yes I have broken bones and cracked my skull growing up i think this is a right of passage. I am also Very clumsy and so bumping into walls, doors and over my own feet is a daily occurance. 

being able tolerate pain though doesnt mean i dont feel it but it ususally means i feel it for a second and say this too shall pass and then if the pain hasnt healed itself then i go to the doctor and by then its turned into something bigger than it needed to be. an example when i was 9 or 10 i was playing netball and i was at training and broke my arm the typical bone almost out of skin floppy did i cry nope. One of my Mum's best friends came to collect her son from after school care and was wondering why the after school care people were calling an ambulance then saw me and my arm, rang my Mum and said "I need to take Eimear to the Hospital and I will meet you there." my mum said "what did she do?" " She has a broken Arm the bone is hanging out of her skin" 

"Masking" for me doesnt mean that i am not my true self it means i have learnt coping mechanisms to get through life because being social is tricky for me. listening on the phone is also hard for me because i dont actually understand how to communicate on the phone, I work as a site administrator so this is kind of an issue but i am also getting help with this through therapies.